WHY?

                                             WHY?

Often times in life things happen that are out of our control.. Horrible , awful things that effect people, town, communities, states and countries… and always the first thing asked is why?

This week has been a horrible week here in Oklahoma.. we have had several days of massive storms.. which have spawned several tornadoes. Living here one would think you would get use to such things as heavy winds, baseball size hail, heavy rain and tornado… but you never do.. every devastating storm effects you..

Right outside the store where I work

Yesterday was one of those days for our state.. The little town of Moore OK was hit with what they are thinking was an F5 tornado.. with winds over 200 miles and hour. This one storm has destroyed this town in a matter of minutes.. taking out two elementary schools, the hospital, business and homes.

Same tornado heading towards Moore OK.

The death toll as of this writing now stands at 51, but they are predicting it to rise as they are still trying to find people. Sadly most of the victims are the school children that were trapped in the school… why? A very good question I would say…I could not give you a very good answer right now and none that would reassure you and make it any better.

Some damage from tornado

Some of the children rescued from one of the schools hit by tornado

Then out of the rubble you stumble upon this image and you know GOD has spoken and answered the question…

Very profound image if I say so myself… Think God is trying to tell us something?

Please keep us in your prayers and pray that these people can find some peace in this horrible time..

A Mother’s Wish

A Mothers Wish

WOW who ever said being a parent is easy was not all there…

I adore my daughter she has a heart of gold and a genuine love for everyone.. well most everyone.. we have to exclude most boys she knows from school.. let’s say she loves them the way God wants her too, but she dislikes them soo very much!

She can make me laugh harder then anyone I know and yet she can push my buttons quicker then anyone I know.. I personally think she gets a kick out of doing both.

Now I have probably been a little harder on her then I should be.. I expect certain things out of her and she is gonna live up to them.. no excuses..

It is her job to go to school and get good grades.. I do expect good grades too.. when her grades drop so does her access to her favorite things.. She also has a few chores that are expected of her weekly.. she has to dust and vacuum once a week.. and I expect her or her father (they switch off) to do the dinner dishes.. her last duty is to take care of her dog..

By this list you would think she has the worst parents in the world… The moaning and groaning It can get quite comical..

One of her most favorite things to do in this world is read.. so as you can guess she is not very active..the most excersie she gets is at school… there are days when she is home that if I do not go and get her I would not see her face…

Every so often we both have to break away and have a good Mother daughter day.. go spend some of daddy’s money.. and just pamper ourselves.. I do enjoy those days… We had one of those days just this past week and I must say it was great.. I would have a hard time picking what was my most favorite thing we did that day.. but I can tell you the company was great! We were going to go out and eat but after eating a full large tub of butter popcorn at the movie and downing a large soda neither of us felt much like eating… so instead of eating out we decided to go get our nails done.. whoop hooo..

I hate for these types of days to end.. we are stress free.. no fussing ..even if we disagree on something ie the height of heels she wants to wear.. we do it with grace and understanding.. how come that can not happen at home.. It seems like such a let down when we have to come home and get back to real life…

My wish for her is that she can enjoy what is left of her childhood.. and she succeeds in whatever she wants to do with her life when that time comes. Until then I pray she can make the right choices and stay as sweet as she has always been. Keep her room clean and avoid conflict where she can…

That apple did not fall far from the tree.. cause she is just like her FATHER! LOL

Can someone hand me my big girl panties please…

Self doubt or random vent….

 

There are times when I am filled with so much self doubt in who I am.. what I am doing.. and even more important why? Why do I feel this way..

Maybe it is the way the fates have lined up.. maybe it is hormonal… maybe I am feeling guilty about something deep in my mind.. maybe I am just nuts! More then likely it is all of the above.

All I know is that I have these periods of time, normally once every couple of months, where I feel I can do nothing right, everyone hates me and they are all out to get me. It seems at these times everything just seems to fall into place… people just stop talking to me, no one is ever around that wants to talk and in my mind of course they are avoiding me for what ever reason.

Now I know people have lives and other obligations and were not put here on this earth to be my entertainment. Although they are just that at times.

It seems when these mood spells start I go into my pity party mode and just get grouchy.. and very emotional. Why did it take you 4 hours to answer my e-mail.. or worst yet not answer it at all.. oh the thoughts that go through my mind. What did I do or didn’t do.

I know there are people at work who do not like me, and think I am lazy.. truth is we all are lazy at times, but I don’t start out that way.. Depending one the night and who is there depends on what I am gonna be doing. I never mind helping do trash, clean belts, or zoning.. I don’t.. And there are some nights I do all of the above. I do however HATE sweeping and tend to try and find ways out of it if I can. But on nights when we have more cashiers then needed, I tend to get pulled to do other things.. like freight, covering lunches and breaks.. and even being sent out to help in other departments. I know this makes some people mad. But just because I am not always doing what you are does not mean I do not work. It is all work just different types. But I am working.. You would be shocked at how bent out of shape and rude your coworkers can get. You know they are mad at you when the shut up every time you walk near. I don’t get it.

I know it is unrealistic to think everyone is gonna want to be friends with me. I am a grown up and I understand that. But it sure does not help settle things in my mind when stuff like this happens.. It also makes me doubt myself.. maybe I am lazy.. maybe I do not do enough at least in their eyes. When I get like this I just want to crawl in a hole and wait for the whole thing to pass.

So if right now anyone thinks I am not doing my part in life, work, home and so forth then maybe you are right. However maybe just maybe you have your own issues and need to stand back and think about the times when you don’t wanna do something for whatever reason and we are there to pick up the slack. Don’t hate on me for doing what is asked of me, even if it is not what you are doing.

One thing I know for sure this too shall pass as it always dose and soon I will be back to being my old self and the old self really does not care what others think..

I do need to put this out there.. this weekend has been rather hard for me.. as I have just not felt really good and to be honest the last place I wanted to be was work. I did however go to work and tho I did not do most of the normal stuff I do I did work and kept myself busy. I was very moody and not fun to be around and I am sorry for that.. honest.. But rest assured there are gonna be times when you too are not feeling well and if you so choose to come in we will be there to help pull you through and tow the line. I just hope that I am more understanding towards your plight then some of you were to mine…

Ok my pity party is over so I will pull up my big girl panties and move on.. And to those who question the way I jump all over the place.. well it works like my mind! I tend to jump from thing to thing and it works for me… after all the title of this blog is “Ramblings of a mad women” nuff said!

Yeah I know you told me so…:P

You know it’s soooo hard to be good… especially when it is not normal for you..ie me!

I have tried to be positive and upbeat and nice and supportive these last few months… but I have come to the conclusion I am just being fake! Really.

I am onary.. very out spoken… honest to a fault and to be nice when I don’t feel nice is so hard. I know what I am suppose to do, what I am suppose to think and say.. but darn it! I do not always feel like it!

That man that cut us off the other day on the way to town.. well I know I should just forget and forgive them, but heck I just wanna catch up to him and tell him he’s a jerk and needs a few manner and driving classes… LOL then I think if I do that then I am what he is a JERK!

It has been made clear to me from my dear husband that I allow stress to over take all parts of my life. LOL I am a women and a mother.. tell me is that not part of our every day lives… I worry.. yes I worry about everything, whether I can change the situation or not…. My husband has a gift to put it in Gods hands and walk away… I wish I had that and it sounds bad, but I can not walk away.. I have not learned nor am I sure I ever will.. how to just put it down and leave it… “IT” still haunts me.. always in the back of my mind.. wondering.. wondering.. wondering.. how are you gonna do this.. pay for that.. get this or that done… I have to make sure everyone has everything they need.. that things that have to be done are done…

I fuss and grumble.. have my little fits.. act like a big ole baby.. when people do not see things my way! Of course I save this gift for my family! I feel just like a spoiled, willful child who saves the worst for their parents and gives the outside world only the best. Not fair by any means but honest. I know I can act this way because I know they love me unconditionally and are not gonna walk away from me. Now knowing this does not make it right, but it does tend to give me the security to let some of that stress out before I implode!

I know I have not written anything is ages.. I have been going through a selfish phase.. and just needed a break. I wish I could just switch some things that irritate me off by ignoring them.. Trust me I have tried that.. LOL may work for a few hours but they seem to always find a way back into my thoughts.

I think I need to take lessons from my wonderful husband.. er did I just say that…LOL No really.. So no matter what happens to me.. I’ll just trust God to give me what I need.. even if it is not what I want… And to be honest HE always has! He has never failed me not once.. yet I fail him every single day.. most of the time several times a day… sigh.. I have a lot of growing to do… Good thing we have such a forgiving father!

Now if my husband reads this he would be very smart to just smile inside and not even dare to think or say “I told you so!” Because remember I am still learning and someone could get hurt… LOL

As you can imagine I suffer from ulcers and the stress does not do me any good! So people just agree with me and do what I want and everything will be fine and dandy! LOL

Is it that time again already….

Hello everyone allow me to introduce myself… My name is Tracey and I am a slacker! Yes.. I put off things that should have been done last week… Hangs head in shame..

Of course if you give me enough time I will come up with an excuse for every single thing I have and will be putting off in the coming weeks… I am good like that! LOL

It is so hard to believe it is already December.. and that Christmas is around the corner… I have sooo much to still do! And yes I am no where near where I need to be. I knew I was gonna have issues when Thanksgiving rolled around and I had not even thought about getting my tree out or doing anything Christmasy(is that even a real word?) to my house.. Most of the time I am chomping at the bit by mid October to start putting things out… Sigh…

It just does not feel much like Christmas this year and for the life of me I am not sure why… I know the reason for the season.. and trust me I LOVE it all! I have always been a Christmas lover.. Some of my fondest memories revolve around Christmas and my goofy family.. the Church plays..every year my father dressing up as Santa for church and passing out gifts… I can still recall our preacher telling us that we had to sing Jingle Bells just a little louder or he may not come! Boy did we sing! It was our job to decorate the Christmas Trees at Church, and my grams house as well as our own. We were what you would call serious Tree decorators…

One of my most fondest memories..was then I was like 9 years old and the year before the twinkle lights had just come out and they only came in multi colors.. My dad and I decided we wanted clear lights but they were not available at the time, so we spent hours upon hours scraping all those tiny lights with blades and knives trying to get all the color off the bulbs! I have to say it was an awesome tree and I have been hooked on white lights from that point on…

Well I did spend last week working hard to play catch up and get my house some what Christmasy.. We had to redo all the wreaths this year with new picks and bows. I think they came out pretty nice. All seven of them. We also had to redo the topiaries because someone cut the cord while outside working and had too much tude! LOL So we replaced all the lights on them and added some snowflakes and ice cycle lights.. They play music as well but we seldom turn those on as we do not want to drive everyone in the neighborhood nuts!

And yes I even have my tree finished! I love trying to take pics of it, but with so many white lights, it is really hard to get a good shot that looks like the tree… most of my tree shots just look like a blur.. now comes the hardest part.. I have so much shopping to do and so little time.. I dread being one of those people out the last week of Christmas pushing and shoving and having to be apart of those horrible rude shoppers and have no manners… oh why oh why did I put it off… I need a 12 step program to help me so I never do this again.. Is there a 12 step program for procrastinators?

Happy Gobble Gobble Day….

This one is gonna be rather short as I have a ton of cooking to still get done…

 

I wanted to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving or gobble gobble day and I like to say. I hope you get to spend it with people you love. If not at least I hope you find something to be Thankful for and know that no matter where your at and what your doing there are a few things that never change… You are awesome.. and you are a true gift from God, a blessing to all!

Grumble Grumble Roar Roar..

I just have to tell you it has been a while I know I know..but it seems if I wait long enough stuff happens! Life is strange like that!

Oh where to begin over the last few months I have noticed that I have been letting things around me affect me either in a positive or negative way.. Mostly negative.. and oh my goodness it really get’s bad at work.. It is no secret that I dislike working.. I’d rather be home cooking or something else..

I do have to say that I am moody and no fun to be around when it is time to head out the door. If truth be told I probably should never drive myself to work! I might just drive right on by! LOL It at times takes every thing I have in me to just walk through the door. It seems tho that after I have been there at least fifteen minutes I seem to get into my rhythm and things start falling into place.

 

It seems these past few months I have been having a harder and harder time “getting out of it”. There just seemed to be a negative feeling hanging over me like a bad rain cloud that follows you around raining on your head! Everything was making me mad and tired and upset. People were being mistreated.. pushed too hard.. and used like cattle.. you name it and I can pretty much assure you I was feeling it.

 

It did not help that it was also coming from the people around me. They were and are not happy about how things at work have been going and it just seems to creep into your head .. you start feeling it as well. I will be the first to tell you Walt-mart does not treat their people very well… they keep them well under staffed and over worked. They are never happy with anything you give them, they seem to want more, more, more.

This past week I have been hearing rumbles of walkouts and so forth.. and I have to ask myself .. if I ever had the guts to do something like that. Most of these people are walking for more money, better schedules, better health care… I look at myself and think “OK you work for WAL-MART! If you wanna earn 22 bucks and hour go get a degree..” I agree on the better health care.. we pay an arm and a leg every two weeks and I have always felt they have never provided great results. However in this day and age we have to have it. It is now being forced by our government that we all have it..

 

You better know if Walt-mart can find loop holes and get out of paying for insurance they are gonna do it and fast! They have already cut insurance for part time people and if you could not guess it, they are only hiring part time people.. hummm. Is anyone really shocked.

As you have guessed this week at our store the biggest complaint is being under staffed and over worked. And yes Black Friday…. this year has been a nightmare… People are so upset.. most not because they have to work, but that they decided to make certain groups work twelve hour shifts.

 

Haa haa this is where my biggest grief has come the past few weeks.. I use to work 40 hours a week and hated it. About three years ago I choose to cut my hours to spend more time with my kid and family. Upon my cutting my hours I chose to work the days I was needed most (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) and I have worked these days without fail. Every year without fail My mangers will come up to me as ask if I want to work Blitz.. and they always get the same answer “NO”. It has never changed.. This year however no one asked me or cared if I had plans.. they just plugged me into a twelve hour slot and called it good. NOT! I have been battling for several weeks and getting no where fast. So I have decided I just did not care at this point what they wanted I am just gonna call in and they are gonna have to deal with it. So I guess in my own way I am doing my own sort of walkout, and for my own reasons.

Upon making this decision a peace has come over me.. I decided I was tired of going to work in a bad mood every night and I know a few of my friends are tired as well of listening to me fuss and grumble. I was and am determined to go to work with a better attitude. If I go on and tell myself I am better then this. That I really do like the people I work with and that my job is not hard, right now I am lucky to have a job that even offers insurance to a part timer like me.. It really makes a difference.. I have been in so much a better mood, I have been my old crazy self, and in a lighter mood. Not sure my co-workers quite understand. I do know my manger thinks that he has won this battle and that I will be sitting there come Thursday evening.. little does he know that I have already made peace with my choice to call in and let the chips fall where they may.

I have decided that I can not always control the rain clouds that will follow me around sometimes but I can control how I react to them.. so from now on when I get besieged by dark, rainy clouds I am gonna let my inner child out and go play in the rain!

So if you have to work this Thanksgiving year I applaud you and wish you only the best. I hope your work is over soon and you find time to enjoy a day with people who love you.