I’m having growing pains….

I have been trying to think about what to write.. it is hard to be funny all the time.. I do not know how funny people do it…

The past few months or so I have been growing and changing… in my personal and spiritual life. I was on LOA (leave of absent) from work for several months.. and I had a lot of down time to reflect.. on my life and what part I wanted God to play in it.. it is hard to be hit with the truth and not have it change you… I have been embracing it all, learning and reading and just enjoying this journey, with God, my family and myself.. I have a long long way to go to get where I need to be.. have no doubt about that.. I am finding out everyday has it’s own hurdles to over come… but I jump them with the knowledge that these hurdles are nothing but a little bump in the road. I have many miles left before I reach the finish line.

I think the hardest part about this whole adventure is that I realized when I went back to work,, how everything had changed.. let me rephrase that .. I had changed.. The whole feeling inside of me was different. I was looking at people different.. I felt distant from my old friends… Something is off, just not quite right. It is very hard to explain… But I can tell you it makes me uneasy.. I do not like feeling like this.. yet I am unwilling to go back to the old way.

Today I was reading a post from a friend and I am not going into the subject, but let’s say my opinion at the time was not very popular.. the post went away several days later.. and today resurfaced.. after rereading it I still stand by what I wrote.. but it sort of breaks my heart that not one.. of those friends stood up to support me.. they did not have to agree with me, but a nice well placed.. I respect your opinion would have been nice..

LOL to be honest I am starting to feel like the crazy ole lady at work… People I have known for years and years .. seem like strangers to me. So I have to ask myself is it me… maybe the change in me is that drastic that they do not know how to handle me, or if I have lost my mind.. If they read any of my older post they will know for sure I have!

I am having to find my own way.. not always easy… as it is new ground for me also. I am sure it will all make me a better person and a stronger Christian.. and one thing I do know for sure as long as I keep holding Gods hands no matter how many times I stumble or fall he will always be there to pick me up and sooth my hurt heart…


About drell3

People who know me would say I am nuts! Crazy! Silly! Honest! Loyal! I would say they are right.. but I am so much more... I am a Mother, Wife, Daughter, Friend, Cook, I could fill up this whole page.. I love my life.. I love my husband, I love my child! My family.. you thought i was gonna say my work! LOL NOT!!! I am on a journey... I am coming into my own.. discovering, learning..I am transforming.. one day I will get my butterfly wings.
This entry was posted in Feeling alone, friends, Gods Love, growing close to God, support, winning the race, work. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to I’m having growing pains….

  1. Arlene says:

    I so get you! Keep running your race in your lane, blinders on..focusing on the One who knows you best and loves you the most!!! Oh and don’t try to be anything or anyone “they” expect or remember….just be and you’ll be what HE’s called you to be…hopefully:) I’m a poet too!!! xoxo

  2. drell3 says:

    Thank you Arlene for the encouraging words. They mean a lot. I will take your advice to heart and keep on the right side of the track.. God Bless you.

  3. Lyn Leahz says:

    Great article Tracey! I’m so proud of you for finally having the courage to make your blog public! God bless you and I love you soooooooo much! Of course you know that because I tell you every day…but nothing wrong with constantly reminding you!

    • drell3 says:

      Thank you my friend I never get tired of hearing you say that.. it always warms my heart! Much love coming your way as well! God bless my sister.. πŸ™‚

  4. Wayne Augden says:

    I think the thing I love most about your blog is your honesty. You don’t pretend to be anything you’re not. You’re changing, and growing, and in the midst of becoming, and your struggles along the way are just a part of the journey. I think you have a lot of courage, and faith and trust are something that comes from exercising them. You’re doing that, and I’m proud of you. Keep up the good work.

  5. Wayne Augden says:

    Reblogged this on wayneaugden and commented:
    Refreshing and honest….

  6. alwayzhis says:

    I so agree with brother Wayne and thank him for reblogging this! Your honesty as you grow in Jesus tells me that you’re humble. Bless you “crazy lady”—
    Much love in Jesus

  7. Eddy says:

    Sometimes being nuts is ok, especially when it seems it’s only you and Jesus. Great blog! I hope to read more.

  8. coastalmom says:

    I reread this today and am right there with Arlene… I so get you!!!! I love it when souls bump into each other cyberly… where you just know if you lived near each other… you would be good friends!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s