You know it’s soooo hard to be good… especially when it is not normal for you..ie me!
I have tried to be positive and upbeat and nice and supportive these last few months… but I have come to the conclusion I am just being fake! Really.
I am onary.. very out spoken… honest to a fault and to be nice when I don’t feel nice is so hard. I know what I am suppose to do, what I am suppose to think and say.. but darn it! I do not always feel like it!
That man that cut us off the other day on the way to town.. well I know I should just forget and forgive them, but heck I just wanna catch up to him and tell him he’s a jerk and needs a few manner and driving classes… LOL then I think if I do that then I am what he is a JERK!
It has been made clear to me from my dear husband that I allow stress to over take all parts of my life. LOL I am a women and a mother.. tell me is that not part of our every day lives… I worry.. yes I worry about everything, whether I can change the situation or not…. My husband has a gift to put it in Gods hands and walk away… I wish I had that and it sounds bad, but I can not walk away.. I have not learned nor am I sure I ever will.. how to just put it down and leave it… “IT” still haunts me.. always in the back of my mind.. wondering.. wondering.. wondering.. how are you gonna do this.. pay for that.. get this or that done… I have to make sure everyone has everything they need.. that things that have to be done are done…
I fuss and grumble.. have my little fits.. act like a big ole baby.. when people do not see things my way! Of course I save this gift for my family! I feel just like a spoiled, willful child who saves the worst for their parents and gives the outside world only the best. Not fair by any means but honest. I know I can act this way because I know they love me unconditionally and are not gonna walk away from me. Now knowing this does not make it right, but it does tend to give me the security to let some of that stress out before I implode!
I know I have not written anything is ages.. I have been going through a selfish phase.. and just needed a break. I wish I could just switch some things that irritate me off by ignoring them.. Trust me I have tried that.. LOL may work for a few hours but they seem to always find a way back into my thoughts.
I think I need to take lessons from my wonderful husband.. er did I just say that…LOL No really.. So no matter what happens to me.. I’ll just trust God to give me what I need.. even if it is not what I want… And to be honest HE always has! He has never failed me not once.. yet I fail him every single day.. most of the time several times a day… sigh.. I have a lot of growing to do… Good thing we have such a forgiving father!
As you can imagine I suffer from ulcers and the stress does not do me any good! So people just agree with me and do what I want and everything will be fine and dandy! LOL