Long journey to my dream job… NOT!

                                                 

 It is hard to believe someone out there wants to know about my recent promotion.. I could sum it up in like three words.. ha ha.. but what would be the point of that. No.. no.. no.. I am going to make this into and long drawn out adventure! So buckle up buttercup and enjoy the ride….

 

I must admit I spent the first six years of my marriage pampered.. I did not have to work and I enjoyed it immensely! I stayed at home raising my child doing as I please. However that soon ended when my husband got the homesick blues and his yearning was so strong to return to his beloved Oklahoma to be near his folks. So July of 2005 we packed up and headed west. Now I was leaving everything and place I knew and grew up with.

 

We arrived in Oklahoma on July 4th and into a trailer.. I have nothing against trailers.. it is just this is tornado ally and everyone knows tornadoes hit trailer parks first right!It did not help that they neglected to tell me I could not keep my dog once I was here.. that would have been a deal breaker for me. Hubs started looking for a job right away and after a few weeks got a job at our local Wal-mart. After about a month it was obvious I was going to have to get a job as well.. OH NOOOOOOO! I applied at our local Wal-mart as well and was soon hired to work over night in the pharmacy stocking.

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This begins my love hate relationship with Wal-mart. I enjoyed working in the pharmacy for the most part. The work was easy and I always finished early, which always got me in trouble! The Pharmacy owned me as they paid my salary not Wal-mart. So they wanted me in the pharmacy for 8 hours doing their stuff and my overnight manager wanted to move me around and use me else where. Seems every week I was getting talked to about it.. and the battle between the pharmacy and my mangers went on with me in the middle. After 8 months of this I had had enough and a nice assistant manager helped me move up front to be a cashier.

 

ImageI loved being a cashier. I loved my CSM’s (Customer Service Mangers) and I liked my fellow cashiers. They all trained me well and we worked as a team. Like a lot of jobs after time people move on to bigger and brighter things.. new people replace them.. some good some not so good. About a year into this my CSM asked about me becoming a backup CSM. All this means is that I fill in when a CSM is sick or on vacation.. more responsibility with no pay increase. I agreed to do this and have been doing it ever since.

 

About a year into it one of the CSM’s quit thus leaving an opening that I applied for. Needless to say I did not get the job. They said it was because I needed more training.. But the kicker was.. the lady they gave it too had never worked up front, had never ran a register, or knew nothing about being a CSM.. I was blindsided to say the least. They had the audacity to want me to train her! It was a extremely hard time for me there and I was so tempted to just walk away. My husband had a harder time, in fact if he had found my manger before I got him out of the store I probably would have been bailing him out of jail! It was then and there that I slowed down and I stopped giving them a hundred percent. I did my job and went home nothing more. I do have to add tho that this CSM has turned out to one of my very best friends ever!! So something good did come out of it!

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It was a short time later when my other CSM decided to leave.. I was not even interviewed this time they just replaced her.. the new CSM stayed a few years then moved up in the company and was replaced by yet another lady. Still I was not even considered.. I just kept working and filling in when needed.

 

I made a lot of changes in my life, by cutting my hours at work. I went from five days a week to three. Best decision I have ever made. I started working weekends only and that is still what I am working. At times it gets stressful but at least it ends sooner or later.

 

Last year my BFF CSM was burned out on working overnights and wanted to take another job during the days. I so hated to see her leave. It broke my heart. With her gone I had to take her place and CSM full time.. I kept asking when are you going to get this position filled one way or the other. They were using me, yet not giving me the pay. This went on for months and months and they always seemed to have an excuse.. had to still do interviews, thought someone else had taken care of this, was deleted out of the system… pretty much just giving me the run around. Why should they care they were getting the job done for free.

 

It was about a month before Christmas when I confronted my assistant manager and told him flat out I was tired of being used and that he had until Christmas to get this situation taken care of, or I was changing my availability and not doing it any more. LOL His face just went ashen and I have to say that felt pretty good. It obviously worked because I was dreading having to go to work on my birthday… but I went to clock in and he was waiting to offer me the job along with the dollar raise! So HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!

 

I can tell you even after all these years I still have a lot to learn, but now at least I do not feel like they are using me. I am now being paid to babysit and be abused! LOL

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You can wake up now!!! It’s your fault ya know, you are the one who wanted to know!!!!  

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She Lives…..Ahhhhhhhh

mickey see ya

Wow it really has been forever.. I am sad to say I am not a very good blogger. I just up and disappear with not a word to anyone for months on end. Just waiting for something to write about ya know.
As you know my mind likes to jump all over the place going from this to that.. it seems to mirror my life most times.
lipstck2Things have been flowing right along.. My wonderful child is now 14! Can you believe it 14! I feel so old! She sure knows how to push my buttons and I think she derives way too much pleasure in doing it! LOL But that is ok one day when she brings that special young fella home her ole crazy mother will be sure to pull out ALL the photos of her at all ages… humm the tub ones are really cute.. the awkward ones are winners too..but the best .. yes the best was in third grade when she took it upon herself to take lipstick and apply it just before they took her school photo! LOL I was so shocked! Her Teachers said NOTHING!!! Ahh good times, good times!

My dear hubs life has been a roller coaster for a few years. roller coasterHe has his good days and bad ones… some of you may know he had back surgery a few years ago and has just never been the same. This has truly been a test for him in all aspects of his life. Having to learn how to rethink about everything in a new way.. learning how to get the things you have to get done .. done! He struggles like we all do… but he never lets it get too big a hold on him.. his faith and trust in God has been his life raft! He refuses to let this beat him and has been taking some online classes.. he is a strong man and I am so blessed to have him… he still a pain in the butt! LOL

As for dear sweet old me.. Well I am getting so old! I feel it in every part of my body! But I am like that little Energizer bunny I just keep going and going! I finally got that long over due raise/promotion at work! Yes yes I know.. it only took eight years! LOL and don’t ya know they are making me earn it too! I survived Christmas at Wal-mart! That in itself was a miracle! I can not say honestly that there were not times I wanted to just bop several heads together… For some reason this year they have given me some winners when it comes to help..eye-rolling-annoyed-smiley(insert rolling eyes here).  I only need a few things really.. I am not hard to please.. LOL You have to know how to stand upright.. leaning on the counter reading a magazine is just not gonna cut it. Having the brain power to know that things pretty much stay the same there.. you have the same duties EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and yet having to babysit and spell it out every night seems to be the norm! You know the best part is when you tell/show someone how to do the same thing every night and they still can’t get it.. hee hee but hey a body is a body right.. see I am looking on the bright side of things! I do have to say tho I do work with some great girls! I could not do it without them! I hope they know just how much I love them and need them!
With the big holidays over I am hoping things will settle down.. don't burst my bubbledon’t roll yours eyes at me.. I know I am dreaming! But a girls gotta do what she has to do to get by..
so don’t burst my bubble ok! LOL
OK so I guess that wraps it up for this year I’ll try to get back here by next year! LOL

poof

Posted in Be blessed, Daughter, life, Missing in action, Wal-Mart, work | 2 Comments

WHY?

                                             WHY?

Often times in life things happen that are out of our control.. Horrible , awful things that effect people, town, communities, states and countries… and always the first thing asked is why?

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This week has been a horrible week here in Oklahoma.. we have had several days of massive storms.. which have spawned several tornadoes. Living here one would think you would get use to such things as heavy winds, baseball size hail, heavy rain and tornado… but you never do.. every devastating storm effects you..

Right outside the store where I work

Right outside the store where I work

Yesterday was one of those days for our state.. The little town of Moore OK was hit with what they are thinking was an F5 tornado.. with winds over 200 miles and hour. This one storm has destroyed this town in a matter of minutes.. taking out two elementary schools, the hospital, business and homes.

Same tornado heading towards Moore OK.

Same tornado heading towards Moore OK.

The death toll as of this writing now stands at 51, but they are predicting it to rise as they are still trying to find people. Sadly most of the victims are the school children that were trapped in the school… why? A very good question I would say…I could not give you a very good answer right now and none that would reassure you and make it any better.

Some damage from tornado

Some damage from tornado

Some of the children rescued from one of the schools hit by tornado

Some of the children rescued from one of the schools hit by tornado

Then out of the rubble you stumble upon this image and you know GOD has spoken and answered the question…

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Very profound image if I say so myself… Think God is trying to tell us something?

Please keep us in your prayers and pray that these people can find some peace in this horrible time..

Posted in Asking why, coming together, death, family, Grief, Moore Tornado | 7 Comments

A Mother’s Wish

A Mothers Wish

WOW who ever said being a parent is easy was not all there…

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I adore my daughter she has a heart of gold and a genuine love for everyone.. well most everyone.. we have to exclude most boys she knows from school.. let’s say she loves them the way God wants her too, but she dislikes them soo very much!

AnimatedLaughingFrogShe can make me laugh harder then anyone I know and yet she can push my buttons quicker then anyone I know.. I personally think she gets a kick out of doing both.

Now I have probably been a little harder on her then I should be.. I expect certain things out of her and she is gonna live up to them.. no excuses..

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It is her job to go to school and get good grades.. I do expect good grades too.. when her grades drop so does her access to her favorite things.. She also has a few chores that are expected of her weekly.. she has to dust and vacuum once a week.. and I expect her or her father (they switch off) to do the dinner dishes.. her last duty is to take care of her dog..

By this list you would think she has the worst parents in the world… The moaning and groaning It can get quite comical..

One of her most favorite things to do in this world is read.. so as you can guess she is not very active..the most excersie she gets is at school… there are days when she is home that if I do not go and get her I would not see her face…

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Every so often we both have to break away and have a good Mother daughter day.. go spend some of daddy’s money.. and just pamper ourselves.. I do enjoy those days… We had one of those days just this past week and I must say it was great..pp I would have a hard time picking what was my most favorite thing we did that day.. but I can tell you the company was great! We were going to go out and eat but after eating a full large tub of butter popcorn at the movie and downing a large soda neither of us felt much like eating… so instead of eating out we decided to go get our nails done.. whoop hooo..

I hate for these types of days to end.. we are stress free.. no fussing ..even if we disagree on something ie the height of heels she wants to wear.. we do it with grace and understanding.. how come that can not happen at home.. It seems like such a let down when we have to come home and get back to real life…

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My wish for her is that she can enjoy what is left of her childhood.. and she succeeds in whatever she wants to do with her life when that time comes. Until then I pray she can make the right choices and stay as sweet as she has always been. Keep her room clean and avoid conflict where she can…

That apple did not fall far from the tree.. cause she is just like her FATHER! LOL

Posted in children, Daughter, love, Mothers love, special day | 2 Comments

Can someone hand me my big girl panties please…

Self doubt or random vent….

 

There are times when I am filled with so much self doubt in who I am.. what I am doing.. and even more important why? Why do I feel this way..

Maybe it is the way the fates have lined up.. maybe it is hormonal… maybe I am feeling guilty about something deep in my mind.. maybe I am just nuts! More then likely it is all of the above.

All I know is that I have these periods of time, normally once every couple of months, where I feel I can do nothing right, everyone hates me and they are all out to get me. It seems at these times everything just seems to fall into place… people just stop talking to me, no one is ever around that wants to talk and in my mind of course they are avoiding me for what ever reason.

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Now I know people have lives and other obligations and were not put here on this earth to be my entertainment. Although they are just that at times.

It seems when these mood spells start I go into my pity party mode and just get grouchy.. and very emotional. Why did it take you 4 hours to answer my e-mail.. or worst yet not answer it at all.. oh the thoughts that go through my mind. What did I do or didn’t do.

I know there are people at work who do not like me, and think I am lazy.. truth is we all are lazy at times, but I don’t start out that way.. Depending one the night and who is there depends on what I am gonna be doing. I never mind helping do trash, clean belts, or zoning.. I don’t.. And there are some nights I do all of the above. I do however HATE sweeping and tend to try and find ways out of it if I can. But on nights when we have more cashiers then needed, I tend to get pulled to do other things.. like freight, covering lunches and breaks.. and even being sent out to help in other departments. I know this makes some people mad. But just because I am not always doing what you are does not mean I do not work. It is all work just different types. But I am working.. You would be shocked at how bent out of shape and rude your coworkers can get. You know they are mad at you when the shut up every time you walk near. I don’t get it.

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I know it is unrealistic to think everyone is gonna want to be friends with me. I am a grown up and I understand that. But it sure does not help settle things in my mind when stuff like this happens.. It also makes me doubt myself.. maybe I am lazy.. maybe I do not do enough at least in their eyes. When I get like this I just want to crawl in a hole and wait for the whole thing to pass.

So if right now anyone thinks I am not doing my part in life, work, home and so forth then maybe you are right. However maybe just maybe you have your own issues and need to stand back and think about the times when you don’t wanna do something for whatever reason and we are there to pick up the slack. Don’t hate on me for doing what is asked of me, even if it is not what you are doing.

One thing I know for sure this too shall pass as it always dose and soon I will be back to being my old self and the old self really does not care what others think..

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I do need to put this out there.. this weekend has been rather hard for me.. as I have just not felt really good and to be honest the last place I wanted to be was work. I did however go to work and tho I did not do most of the normal stuff I do I did work and kept myself busy. I was very moody and not fun to be around and I am sorry for that.. honest.. But rest assured there are gonna be times when you too are not feeling well and if you so choose to come in we will be there to help pull you through and tow the line. I just hope that I am more understanding towards your plight then some of you were to mine…

Ok my pity party is over so I will pull up my big girl panties and move on.. And to those who question the way I jump all over the place.. well it works like my mind! I tend to jump from thing to thing and it works for me… after all the title of this blog is “Ramblings of a mad women” nuff said!

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Yeah I know you told me so…:P

You know it’s soooo hard to be good… especially when it is not normal for you..ie me!

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I have tried to be positive and upbeat and nice and supportive these last few months… but I have come to the conclusion I am just being fake! Really.

I am onary.. very out spoken… honest to a fault and to be nice when I don’t feel nice is so hard. I know what I am suppose to do, what I am suppose to think and say.. but darn it! I do not always feel like it!

driverThat man that cut us off the other day on the way to town.. well I know I should just forget and forgive them, but heck I just wanna catch up to him and tell him he’s a jerk and needs a few manner and driving classes… LOL then I think if I do that then I am what he is a JERK!

It has been made clear to me from my dear husband that I allow stress to over take all parts of my life. LOL I am a women and a mother.. tell me is that not part of our every day lives… I worry.. yes I worry about everything, whether I can change the situation or not…. My husband has a gift to put it in Gods hands and walk away… I wish I had that and it sounds bad, but I can not walk away.. I have not learned nor am I sure I ever will.. how to just put it down and leave it… “IT” still haunts me.. always in the back of my mind.. wondering.. wondering.. wondering.. how are you gonna do this.. pay for that.. get this or that done… I have to make sure everyone has everything they need.. that things that have to be done are done…

I fuss and grumble.. have my little fits.. act like a big ole baby.. when people do not see things my way!cry Of course I save this gift for my family! I feel just like a spoiled, willful child who saves the worst for their parents and gives the outside world only the best. Not fair by any means but honest. I know I can act this way because I know they love me unconditionally and are not gonna walk away from me. Now knowing this does not make it right, but it does tend to give me the security to let some of that stress out before I implode!

I know I have not written anything is ages.. I have been going through a selfish phase.. and just needed a break. I wish I could just switch some things that irritate me off by ignoring them.. Trust me I have tried that.. LOL may work for a few hours but they seem to always find a way back into my thoughts.

I think I need to take lessons from my wonderful husband.. er did I just say that…LOL No really.. So no matter what happens to me.. I’ll just trust God to give me what I need.. even if it is not what I want… And to be honest HE always has! He has never failed me not once.. yet I fail him every single day.. most of the time several times a day… sigh.. I have a lot of growing to do… Good thing we have such a forgiving father!

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Now if my husband reads this he would be very smart to just smile inside and not even dare to think or say “I told you so!” Because remember I am still learning and someone could get hurt… LOLtounge

As you can imagine I suffer from ulcers and the stress does not do me any good! So people just agree with me and do what I want and everything will be fine and dandy! LOL

Posted in being mean, family, frustration, learning to trust, onary, trusting God | 6 Comments

Is it that time again already….

Hello everyone allow me to introduce myself… My name is Tracey and I am a slacker! Yes.. I put off things that should have been done last week… Hangs head in shame..

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Of course if you give me enough time I will come up with an excuse for every single thing I have and will be putting off in the coming weeks… I am good like that! LOL

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It is so hard to believe it is already December.. and that Christmas is around the corner… I have sooo much to still do! And yes I am no where near where I need to be. I knew I was gonna have issues when Thanksgiving rolled around and I had not even thought about getting my tree out or doing anything Christmasy(is that even a real word?) to my house.. Most of the time I am chomping at the bit by mid October to start putting things out… Sigh…

It just does not feel much like Christmas this year and for the life of me I am not sure why… I know the reason for the season.. and trust me I LOVE it all! I have always been a Christmas lover.. Some of my fondest memories revolve around Christmas and my goofy family.. the Church plays..every year my father dressing up as Santa for church and passing out gifts…dancingsanta_e0 I can still recall our preacher telling us that we had to sing Jingle Bells just a little louder or he may not come! Boy did we sing! It was our job to decorate the Christmas Trees at Church, and my grams house as well as our own. We were what you would call serious Tree decorators…

prettyxtreeOne of my most fondest memories..was then I was like 9 years old and the year before the twinkle lights had just come out and they only came in multi colors.. My dad and I decided we wanted clear lights but they were not available at the time, so we spent hours upon hours scraping all those tiny lights with blades and knives trying to get all the color off the bulbs! I have to say it was an awesome tree and I have been hooked on white lights from that point on…

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Well I did spend last week working hard to play catch up and get my house some what Christmasy.. We had to redo all the wreaths this year with new picks and bows. I think they came out pretty nice. All seven of them. a_hangwreWe also had to redo the topiaries because someone cut the cord while outside working and had too much tude! LOL So we replaced all the lights on them and added some snowflakes and ice cycle lights.. They play music as well but we seldom turn those on as we do not want to drive everyone in the neighborhood nuts!

frostyshopAnd yes I even have my tree finished! I love trying to take pics of it, but with so many white lights, it is really hard to get a good shot that looks like the tree… most of my tree shots just look like a blur.. now comes the hardest part.. I have so much shopping to do and so little time.. I dread being one of those people out the last week of Christmas pushing and shoving and having to be apart of those horrible rude shoppers and have no manners… oh why oh why did I put it off… I need a 12 step program to help me so I never do this again.. Is there a 12 step program for procrastinators?

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Posted in Christmas Lights, Christmas Wreaths, Chtristmas, family, Father, love, Loving family, making the best of it, reflexion, Santa | 7 Comments